Christopher A. Wheeler

So some of you may notice a few changes around here. I installed a plugin to make it easier to share our blog with your friends. Just click the “Tell A Friend” link in the sidebar or beneath each post to share with your friends. Go ahead and share away!

Are you looking for some special plans with your significant other on Valentine’s Day?

Well, apparently a zoo in Michigan is charging $50 per couple for an event called Zoorotica.

From their website:

Experienced and unabashed staff will lead you on a tour exploring the sexual lives of animals. Biting, clawing, scratching and mid-air acrobatics, animals have a way of reproducing that can be beautiful and brutal at the same time! The love tour will end with hors d’oeuvres and a special DVD presentation. Each couple will receive a small gift to commemorate their experience! This is an adults only event and participants must be 21 years or older.

This all seems a little odd to me. What do you think?

So I’ve started watching the new show on Food Network titled “Will Work for Food” and he went to some place where he milked a cow. I’ve never done this before, but I think it would be cool to try. Does anyone know where I can go and bring my children and try milking a cow?

So, I’m a fan of Kelly Clarkson. I listen to her music on the radio, and it occupies some space on my iPod. One morning in clinic at Oaknoll I was singing Kelly Clarkson music. When it was announced that she was supposed to perform at Kinnick Stadium, I ordered tickets on the first day, before the were available to the general public.

So tonight, I heard the new song “My Life Would Suck Without You” and I really think it sucks. I don’t know what it is about it, but it most definitely will not enter my iPod rotation.

OK, please, for anyone who has seen my ridiculous attempt a facial hair growth in the past few weeks, look at my new picture and vote in this poll. I want to know what you think.

[poll id="2"]
P.S. Bonus points to the first person who can guess the inspiration to my blog post title.

So we’re sitting here and the KWWL News at 10 is on, and they reported on how cold is has been here in Iowa. Well, Kate got a little upset when they flashed this on the screen:

• Antarctica 35
• Fairbanks, AK 34
• Moscow 26
• North Pole 7
• Waterloo -9

Somehow to Kate, that just doesn’t seem quite right.

…I would rename the card game euchre to 24. Or I’d call the television show Euchre.

We all know that 24 is the greatest show in the history of television.

We all know that euchre is the greatest game ever invented, cards or otherwise.

Consider this: Jack Bauer is the most powerful person in all of the universe. He destroys everything he comes in contact with.

In euchre, the most powerful card in the game is the “bower” (really should be spelled “Bauer”). The “bower” is a jack. The Jack Bauer is the most powerful card in the euchre universe. It destroys everything it comes in contact with.

If Jack Bauer wasn’t a fictional character, I’d further hypothesize that Jack Bauer invented euchre. Euchre is the greatest game ever, and is a great way to relax after a long, hard day. Who needs a way to relax after a hard day more than Jack Bauer? Nobody, because everyone else is either relieved that Jack Bauer saved them, or they’re dead because they were terrorists.

And that dude was me.

I don’t know that swallow is the right word. But whatever, I had a fricking fly in my ear. Do you hear me? A FLY IN MY EAR!

I was sitting here at the computer last night taking a quick study break and there was this huge fly on the computer monitor. I flicked it away a few times because it was annoying me. Well, I guess that annoyed him because he flew into my ear. I’m not talking about flying and landing on my ear and just crawling in. He freaking flew straight into my ear. FLEW INTO MY EAR!

Now, when it first happened, I actually thought he had flown away, because I was feeling around my earlobe and stuff thinking it landed there and I was going to flick him (I’m not sure why I am assuming it was a boy fly) away again, but he wasn’t there, so I thought he was gone. Over the next 5 minutes I kept hearing an intermittent buzzing sound like he was real close by so I kept swatting the area near my ear to get him away. Then I got up to get a Q-tip (yes brand name, no generic cotton swabs for me) and stuck it in to clean out my ear when… well, I guess what I did was piss the little fetcher off, because he started buzzing like a madfly. Buzz buzz buzz, flapping his little wings trying to annoy me (or escape). I didn’t know what to do; I started freaking out. I started shaking my head violently trying to somehow get him to fly out, but all that was doing was making me dizzy. So I sat down on the bed and called Kate and was trying to decide if I needed to go to the ER or something.

So you know when you get out of the shower or pool and you have a little water in your ear, so you kinda bend your head sideways so the water can drain out. I decided that is what I was going to do next. So I’m bent over, and I’m trying to talk to Kate on the phone, and I’m trying to stay calm, and then I start banging on my freaking head trying to get the little bugger out. I’m pounding on my head, and talking to Kate, and I don’t remember exactly what I told her, but I was telling her something, and I’m banging on my head some more as hard as I physically can, and the bastage falls out, straight down onto the floor. He kinda just walked around on the floor for a minute and I assumed he was going to fly away, but 30 minutes later he was still there walking around, so I trapped him in a jar so he could die. This morning I checked and he was sufficiently dead for me so I decided to talk a picture on my phone, so here is he is…

So I told Kate that finally he came out, and I was really relieved, but then I had the HUGEST KILLER HEADACHE from pounding on my head, which kinda interfered with my studying for the rest of the night.

So in the past few days, Kate has been to Wal-Mart, as well the three different Hy-Vees in town, and apparently NONE of them have any pork rinds in stock… very disappointing.

So the news has been reporting for a few days that President Bush was going to visit Iowa and tour some of the flooded areas to see what was going on…

Anyways, this morning my carpool buddies picked me up at 0900 and we start heading up I-380 towards Cedar Rapids. At around 0915 we get passed by a state trooper. Big deal, you might say. Well, right after the state trooper is a black SUV, then another, then another. Holy crap, we realize it is the Presidential Motorcade. So the motorcade consists of the first state trooper, followed by about probably 8 of the black Chevrolet Suburbans, followed by probably 8 white vans marked “Media” or “Support” or something similar. Then a few other cars behind that. So they passed us and KC (our driver) pulled into the left lane, only for us to realize, we just broke into the presidential motorcade!!! OOPS! So he pulled back in to the right lane and let everyone pass, then at the tail of the motorcade was another state trooper, who promptly moved over to the center lane of the interstate, so both lanes were blocked. Read more »